


Happier

by Mile9213



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Break Up, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, POV First Person, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 07:06:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16551224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mile9213/pseuds/Mile9213
Summary: He can't forget him, but Dean has moved on.





	Happier

_"Walking down 29th and Park_  
_I saw you in another's arms_  
_Only a month we've been apart_  
_You look happier“_

 

I lost count on how many times I‘ve walked down this street, hoping and fearing that I‘ll run into you.  
It feels like it just a month ago that I hold you in my arms and heard your laugh. I wish it was, but in reality it is years ago. I walk past the park, our park, thinking about you and as I look up, I see you. Your hair is a bit longer and you have a few more laugh lines, but I would regonize your flannels everywhere.

I feel hope rising in my chest. Maybe this is my chance. Maybe I can fix this, us.  
Smiling, I attemp to call you, but I freeze as I realize that you‘re not alone. There is a men with dark hair by your side. His arm around your shoulder and I wish that it weren‘t years between our last meeting.

 

_„Saw you walk inside a bar_  
_He said something to make you laugh_  
_I saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours_  
_Yeah, you look happier, you do“_

 

You walk into a bar. He never stops touching you, his hand now holds yours. You don‘t even see me, do you? You only have eyes for him.  
My heart is pounding as I step into the bar and see you sitting at a table in the corner of the room, laughing at something he said. Your laugh seems lighter and your smile brighter as the ones we shared, I notice and before today I didn‘t think it would hurt this much to see this. Believe me, I‘m wiser now. You close your green eyes as he kisses your cheek.

It hurts like hell to see this, but I deserve this, I think cruelly, for letting you go. I deserve this punishment.

_“Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you_  
_But ain't nobody love you like I do_  
_Promise that I will not take it personal, baby_  
_If you're moving on with someone new”_

 

The man goes to the bar and my feet move on their own. You look up and our eyes meet. Immediately your face falls.

Without a greeting I say: „I missed you.“ Your expression hardens and you spit out that if that were the case I shouldn‘t have left you when you needed me the most. I shouldn‘t have left you just ‘cause.

I know that, how couldn‘t I? I regret it till this day. My mouth opens, ready to spill an explanation, an apology and a begging out, but then I remember your expression from a few minutes ago and I stop. I broke your heart in the past, how could I think that I have the right to march back into your life and turn it upside down again? You‘re happy, shouldn‘t that be my priority?

So instead of all the things my heart screams at me I say: „You‘re right. I‘m sorry. I‘m happy that you found someone who makes you happy.“

Before you can say something the man is back again. He has two drinks in his hand, one of it is your favourite. Some things never change, huh? The men with blue eyes looks at me and smiles. „Who is this?“ He turns to you and gives you your drink. „A friend?“ You look at me, calculating, but before you can say something I speak up. „No one important.“ He looks at me puzzled, but his smile never leaves his face. He shrugges. „I‘m Castiel. Cas for short.“ He invites me to stay, but I decline and for the first time in years I say your name. “Goodbye, Dean.” I turn around and practically run out of the bar. How could I have stayed?

_“'Cause baby you look happier, you do_  
_My friends told me one day I'll feel it too_  
_And until then I'll smile to hide the truth_  
_But I know I was happier with you”_

 

I never believed my friends, but I think they are right. I have to let you go. You are happy with him, aren‘t you? You deserve it, always have. You know that, right?

You‘re happy with him, I tell myself the next day as I look into the mirror and see the dark lines under my eyes. I am happy, I say out loud and hide the truth behind a smile.

One day I‘ll feel it, too.

 

_“Sat on the corner of the room_  
_Everything's reminding me of you_  
_Nursing an empty bottle and telling myself you're happier_  
_Aren't you?”_

 

A few days later I am sitting at a table in the bar, drinking your favourite liquid. And because I‘m cruel I order a whole bottle of it. I still can hear your laugh and when I close my eyes I can pretend that you‘re sharing this bottle with me.  
I shake my head. You‘ve moved on. You‘re happier with him, aren‘t you? I should be happy that he is there for you. I sure as hell wasn‘t.

 

_“Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you_  
_But ain't nobody need you like I do_  
_I know that there's others that deserve you_  
_But my darling, I am still in love with you”_

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic with lyrics - I hope you like it! Please, tell me what you think :D


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